Busy Mommy Media » Stay at Home Mom

The Reality of Being a Stay at Home Mom

Rachel — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:08:54 +0000

Becoming a stay at home mom was a big adjustment for me. I enjoyed my job and although I was thrilled to have the opportunity to stay home with my son, I knew I would miss the daily interaction at work. This morning, after waking up at 6:30 to rush through the household tasks before a busy day, I sat down for a few minutes to read the comics from the Sunday newspaper. It’s Thursday, and the paper has been sitting on my kitchen counter all week because this is the first real opportunity I’ve had to do anything more that clip coupons from it.

There are several comic strips that I enjoy, but one of my usual favorites this week left me thinking long after I finished reading it. In the comic strip, a working mom comes home early on a Friday to hang out with the stay at home moms in the neighborhood. She is understandably tired after a long week of work but as soon as she says hi to the stay at home moms she is bombarded by homemade cookies and told that her kids are happily occupied in one of the mom’s backyard. The moms sit down for a relaxing night filled with food and movies. When the working mom appears shocked by how easy the stay at home moms have it they laugh and say “it’s been a while since you relaxed hasn’t it?”, implying that the homemade treats, happy kids, and laid back time with friends was a common occurrence for them.

Being a working mom was physically exhausting for me and I only had to do it for 6 months so I have so much respect for moms who are able to thrive while putting in hours at two full time jobs, one at work and one at home, but being a stay at home mom has never been a vacation. I wouldn’t trade the time I have with my kids for anything in the world, but just like anything else in life, being a stay at home mom is a juggling act. There are nights when I get 2-3 hours of sleep because I’ve been up with a sick toddler or teething baby but being a mom is a 24 hour a day job so when the day starts, it’s my job to be awake and alert and ready to take care of my kids. Usually when I have time to make homemade cookies it’s because there is some kind of event I have to bring something to or it’s simply due to the fact that homemade treats are cheaper and life one one income doesn’t always allow the the perks of convenience foods. When did being a mom go from the most valued position in society to something you do if you are too lazy or pampered to go to work?

Sometimes I wonder how much of my stress I put on myself. There’s a lot of talk about over scheduling kids but what about over scheduling moms? In today’s world we are conditioned to go, go, go. The more urgent and financially or personally rewarding tasks are generally valued over the day to day tasks of mothering. Being a stay at home mom requires you to structure your own time. It’s very easy to quickly fill the hours of the day with appointments, tasks, and projects. I have to remind myself on a daily basis that sometimes being a good mom is leaving the dishes in the sink and finger painting with the kids in the backyard.

Maybe the world would be a better place if there was more time for homemade cookies and chilling with friends. Appearances are not everything, especially when you work in a job with very few immediately tangible results. The daily acts of mothering are hard to check off of a to-do list.

Motherhood – It’s a 24/7 365 Day a Year Job

Guest Writer — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 16:59:39 +0000

I have met quite a few people who assume that since I am a SAHM that I just have oddles of time and that I sit on my butt all day and watch the soaps on TV. First of all, I don’t like soaps, second of all, do you think that is what your daycare provider is doing all day…because if you do why would you send your child there? No, I HAVE a job, a full time job being a mom; and by full time I mean 24/7 three hundred and sixty five days a year.

So why do I say being a SAHM is a job? Well, because it is. I don’t want my kids being raised by the TV so I am always looking for fun and interactive things for us to do inside the house and outside. I don’t want my kids to be socially unadjusted, so we go to playdates, classes, and just out and about so they can interact with other kids and people in general. I don’t want my kids to go CRAZY all over the house and tear it down around my ears, so that means trying to find activities where they can burn off some energy and not get bored…and yes this means in the grueling heat of summer and the bitter cold of winter. And, not only that, SAHMs are generally responsible to taking care of the house…I think this is only slightly unfair but I will address that at a later date.

I enjoy being a SAHM; I love being around my kids and watching them grow up and I love having the opportunity to help them explore the world. What I DO NOT enjoy is having other mothers, family member and my husband on occassion act like I am getting the world’s cushiest vacation…it gets old…real fast.

So what is the point? Let’s treat SAHMs with the same respect that we would give a coorporate lawyer or CEO…because I am raising the leaders of tomorrow…what did you do today?

So what do you think? Have you run into people who don’t respect the SAHM job?

Just a little math: I belive my time is worth $100 $20 an hour. So:

$20*24=$480 a DAY $480*7=$3,360 a WEEK $3,360*52=$174,720 a YEAR

So…WHERE’S MY MONEY???

By Victoria Arya

What Do You Do All Day?

Guest Writer — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:26:24 +0000

Eat ice cream…snuggle under a blanket…watch TV…oh wait! Nope. SAHM’s do not get that luxury! There is so much to be done and how are we to get it all done? Doctor’s appointments, cleaning, feeding, grocery shopping, getting the kids to school – and back home again (something I will not be discussing because we are not at that “stage” yet, therefore, I have no idea how I will work that into the schedule as well!)

I am still perfecting our days, but as I settle into life with two under two, I am slowly working into a system. I know the things that I have to get done each day – feed my children and myself, get a dinner made, attend to any appointments and make sure the oldest gets his nap on time! Everything else fits in around that.

Cleaning

I try to empty the dishwasher first thing in the morning and load it back up as the day goes on – I hate seeing a sink full of dirty dishes. Also, this way, as soon as dinner is done, I can start running it. Before my youngest was born, I had a cleaning schedule. We moved when I was roughly 33 weeks pregnant. Having a new home and a new baby, I have not really sat down to implement a new cleaning schedule, but it is something I hope to do as soon as the holidays are over! For now, I try to clean the guest/hall bathroom on Friday evenings (for any guests over the weekend!) our bathroom over the weekend, usually Sunday afternoons, and the floors on Thursday evenings, after dinner (to allow for my messy toddler at meal time). Laundry is still pretty sporadic, but diapers are washed every other day and clothing usually gets washed twice a week (lately I’ve noticed weekends and Wednesdays).

Cooking

I try to use my crock pot for meals as much as possible. Nothing better than throwing some ingredients, setting on low and walking away for the rest of the day! This is one site that I have gathered many crock pot recipes from. Stephanie, from crockpot365, has taken on an awesome mission for using her crock pot for something everyday! They all sound so yummy!

I also make a lot of casseroles. I try to prepare them either first thing in the morning or while my toddler eats lunch. I put the casserole in the refrigerator and then when it is time to bake it, I place it in the oven, turn the oven on and add roughly 5 minutes extra baking time (to allow for the pre-heating of the dish).

I try to make extras of meals when I can so if we have a busy day (or fussy afternoon) and making a dinner would be “too much” we have the extras. This is hard right now because we have a tiny apartment (ie: tiny fridge/freezer!) and no deep freezer – my dream! As soon as we are able to have a deep freezer, my plan is to stockpile entire meals every week for these situations (as opposed to just an extra serving or two).

Grocery Shopping

Here is where I cheat. I have my husband go…and take our oldest during my youngests’ nap time! Or I will go after the oldest is in bed. In the off chance I need to go during the day and take them with me, I will wear the youngest in a sling (see below) and have the oldest in the cart.

Babywearing

I did not do much of this with our oldest. He did not enjoy the ‘confinement’ of it – he’s been a mover and shaker since about 18 weeks in utero! However, my youngest loves it! At home, I use a Moby-style wrap which is guaranteed to get a nap out of him! Recently, we started using a sling, specifically a Hotsling , and it’s great for outings! He actually slept in it during a Target trip earlier this week! Recently, it was International Babywearing Week. Steph, at Adventures In Babywearing, post together a post allowing everyone to link up their pictures and stories showing off their baby wearing! Wearing my son helps me get so much done, especially during the fussy hours during the day. I have worn him to cook, clean, shop, change my older sons diaper, eat, play at the park…the list goes on and on!

Appointments

I try to schedule my boys’ appointments at the same time – for now it works with just the two and seeing their pediatrician and our chiropractor. When there are more appointments, with more children and more people, I’m sure it will take some finagling!

The Fun Part
(aka – what else can go on during the day??)

Playing with my boys! To me, this is what being a SAHM is all about and one of the reasons I try to find anything I can to make our my life easier, to spend more time with them.

I’m so thankful that my oldest loves to read. I mean LOVES to read.

He does not have the longest attention span/desire for art/craft time yet, but I try to do one art activity with him a week, even if it’s just coloring. I am starting to implement ideas from Allie, at No Time For Flash Cards. I try to have my oldest help with holiday cards.

We’ve worked on some simple sign language to help with communication.

We listen to a lot of music.

I’m not a TV hater. We do NOT watch it all day, but it has been a life saver for keeping my oh-so-busy toddler in sight while I’m nursing my newborn.

We do cooking projects.

We have play dates with friends.

We go to the park/playground.

We have tummy time with my youngest.

We have tickle fights.

And the list could go on and on. Basically, when it comes to my boys, I want them to know without a doubt they are loved, I want them to have fun and I want them to remember me playing with them and making time for them.

by Terra Jones

Be a Successful Stay At Home Mom

Guest Writer — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:21:51 +0000

The baby is crying, the toddler needs to potty, the dryer just buzzed, it is time to cook supper, and you have not had an uninterrupted night of sleep in…well, it has been too long to remember. At moments like these, you may wonder if you are really cut out for this job! Then, as your special touch quiets your baby, you cheer with your toddler about a successful potty experience, you put clean clothes away, and you provide a nourishing meal for your family, you know that you are. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is challenging, to say the least. Here are some tips for being a successful SAHM.

1. Have a supportive relationship with your spouse. Appreciate each other’s contributions to the family, and help each other. Share time and responsibilities when you can: have dinner together, play together, share bedtime routine activities. Once the kids are in bed, you can share some down time with each other.

2. Help with the finances. Keep accurate records and pay bills on time to prevent overdraft and late fees. Develop a spending plan with your husband and stick to it. Avoid credit card debt. Shop for the best prices on items you need. Prepare meals at home and make dining out a treat. Find creative ways to be frugal, and you can make your husband’s one income go a long way!

3. Be flexible. Despite much planning, SAHMs must deal with the unexpected. A dirty diaper on your way out the door can get you completely off schedule. Plan time for unplanned events! Routines and schedules are great, but they cannot be set in stone. Having a sense of humor helps when things do not go as planned.

4. Remember that you are more than a housekeeper and childcare provider. It is easy to get overwhelmed with the physical care of your house and children. Real fulfillment comes from what you do with your family: playing, reading, talking, cuddling. It comes from teaching values and guiding your children to grow into happy, productive adults. Chores must be done, but take time to nourish the minds and spirits of your children.

5. Teach your children to help. You are actually doing them a disservice if you do not teach them life skills and help them develop a good work ethic. Even young children can learn to pick up toys, put dirty clothes into a hamper, help with laundry, and set the table. Invest time in teaching your kids to do household chores, and your whole family will benefit.

6. Connect with friends and family. As much as you enjoy your children, you do need adult conversation. Develop friendships with people you meet in your neighborhood, at church, at the library, or at the park. Stay in touch with family members who live far away. These connections will give you people to go to for advice and help. Hopefully you can have meaningful conversations with your husband, but support from other moms can be particularly encouraging.

7. Be realistic. You and your kids are working, playing, cooking, eating, learning, bathing, and sleeping in your house all day. Things are not going to be perfect. You must have realistic expectations, or you will get discouraged by not living up to the standard of perfection. As in any aspect of life, you can aspire to improve yourself while still being content and happy.

The life of a SAHM is hectic and stressful, but also joyful and fulfilling. Keep these tips in mind, and you can be a happy and successful SAHM.

by Cynthia Brewer

Don’t Ever Take Out the Trash

Rachel — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:14:15 +0000

At my bridal shower everyone went around the room and gave me a piece of advice. My grandmother told me “Don’t ever take out the trash. Not even once. After that he will expect you to do it every time.” Growing up in a house with three brothers the girl jobs and the boy jobs were pretty well defined. Up until I moved out of my parent’s house at 18 I had never taken out the trash or mowed a lawn . . . ever.

After we got married and moved into our own house, I gladly took my grandmother’s advice to heart. I did the girl jobs. My husband did the boys jobs (and maybe a few of the girl jobs when I could talk him into it). Unfortunately, having a husband who works full time and goes to school full time, there is much time left to do any of the jobs around the house. I started taking the trash out a few years ago and true to my grandmother’s advice, it is now permanently my job.

I stood firm on mowing the lawn though. I didn’t even know how to start the lawn mower up let alone manage to finagle it over my entire yard without killing something. This year we finally bought a new lawn mower. We’ve gone through our share of hand me down lawnmowers that you have to shove a stick in weird places or kick a few times to make it start. The new lawnmower starts when you pull the handle and keeps going even when you mow over really long grass. My husband wanted to “at least show me” how to work the lawn mower when we first bought the thing and I was actually surprised that it wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It’s self propelled so you don’t even have to put much elbow grease into it.

Today my kids and I had a “pool party” in our backyard with their paddling pool. They had a blast, but the grass was so tall it had gone to seed and felt like we were wading through a marsh by the time the kids splashed half the water out of the pool. My husband wasn’t going to have time to mow the lawn for nearly another week so I set the kids up with as many toys as I could find and set out to mow the lawn.

My lawn mowing technique is similar to my vacuuming technique. I pull the lawnmower back to redo a spot if I miss it rather than going in a straight line. In the first ten minutes I managed to mow over the plastic cap to my water main. The cap was actually stuck in the blade and since I won’t even stick my hand down my kitchen sink when it is clogged there was no way I was reaching in to the lawnmower. My neighbor saw what happened and came over to get my lawnmower started again. He said that when he saw me start mowing the lawn he had gone running to find his wife so she could come out and watch. He did the same thing over the winter when I shoveled the driveway.

I managed to finish the entire lawn without any further incident. I had to pay my 4 year old a dollar to watch my 2 year old and when he lost interest with that my two year old spent the rest of the time walking behind me in the strip of newly mown grass.

I’m tired and covered with cut grass now but I’m proud of myself. My neighbor actually did make his wife come out and watch me and I couldn’t fight back a grin as I thought about what a supermom I looked like taking care of the yard work while my kids played with bubbles in the grass (It’s just a good thing they couldn’t see the inside of my house). I now have a nicely groomed lawn but the verdict remains, don’t take out the trash. Not even once.

Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

Rachel — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:00:41 +0000

The adjustment to becoming a stay at home mom, especially for first time mothers, can be a rollercoaster. Many moms feel relieved when they quit their jobs to stay home with their babies but they quickly realize that going to work was the easy job. Being a stay at home mom brings unfamiliar challenges.

It isn’t the difficult work load that wears us down but the endless piles of laundry and unfinishable projects around the house. No matter how fast you work, the dishes will never be done for long. That is a huge change from clear cut tasks at work that could be checked off of your to-do list. Becoming a stay at home mom requires that you adjust your thinking and create a different culture than you are used to dealing with.

It is easy to become isolated as a stay at home mom. In the work force, you see other adults every day, all day long. Your co-workers and clients are constantly talking to you and providing opportunities to interact with the world. As a stay at home mom, especially as a stay at home mom to a young infant, your interactions are limited to baby talk and screaming at solicitors.

Allow yourself to adjust slowly. Pregnancy lasts 9 months. Give yourself some time to adjust to your new roles and responsibilities. You will have your ups and downs as a stay at home mom but it will get easier as time goes on. Being home alone with a young baby is one of the harder times to stay at home. Life can seem very slow and tedious. Time moves quickly. Before you know it you will be dreaming of those quiet naps with your baby and lazy afternoons.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes. No one is perfect. Despite what the baby books and magazines may tell you, you will not be a perfect mom. It takes time to become the mother you want to be. Your baby will not be scarred for life if he’s wearing yesterday’s clothes or sneaks a few cheerios off the floor.

Being a stay at home mom is a wonderful occupation and you will never regret the time that you have spent with your children. It does take some time to get used to your new role and lifestyle. When you start a new job you go through a training period where you adapt and adjust. Becoming a stay at home mom is no different. You need to give yourself time to learn what your life as a stay at home mom entails.

Originally Published on Suite101

Is it Possible to Live on One Income?

Guest Writer — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:14:58 +0000

So many wonder how it is possible to live off of only one income. It is hard. Not impossible, not easy (for us, at least!) but it can be done. These are just a few of the things that we have done to make it possible for me to stay home with our boys (something we decided even before we were married that I would do).

Saving Money on Utilities

You can call your cell phone provider and have them re-evaluate your usage to make certain you are getting the best deal possible. When you call to cancel some services (say, digital cable) often they will offer you a no-obligation special (ie: 3 months at a discounted price) – depending on your financial situation (how much you need to cut back) this could be an option. Our family only uses cell phones – no land lines, but if your family needs the option of a land line, consider bundling the services (cable, internet and phone).

One interesting thing I recently learned about was ‘off-peak hours’ for water/electricity. I found out that it was substantially cheaper to do laundry/run the dishwasher after 9pm at night and on certain holidays! Try googling your utilities company and ‘off-peak hours’ or calling to see if and what these times and rates are.

Another great way to cut back on electricity – line dry clothes! If this is not an option, consider doing your laundry all in one day, one load after another – your clothes will dry faster if the dryer is already hot and ready to dry.

Saving Money on Food

Meal planning. Meal planning. Oh, and meal planning! This has been one of our biggest money savers. Before meal planning, I would go into the store and get what looked good. This would result in multiple trips to the grocery store each week to get food for all our meals. Having our meals planned (usually) keeps us from eating out at restaurants as well. One thing I would like to implement soon is a master list of the grocery items (including pantry, freezer, refrigerator, paper goods, baby items, etc…) and have this placed on the refrigerator – when an item is running low (or we run out!) it could be circled on the list, making grocery list making easier.

Some people swear by sites like The Grocery Game to help them match up coupons and sales to get items for next to nothing! (Even free!) We attempted this, but I didn’t seem to do very well! There are many bloggers out there who share great deals at their local grocery stores, as well.

Saving Money on Entertainment

Every SAHM needs to get out of the house! Many museums offer free admission. During the summer, some movie theaters offer special showings geared towards children – including discounted prices, earlier times and other moms and children (ie: noise! So it is OK if your child talks … or cries! during the entire showing! Chances are, you are not alone!) Of course, there are always playgrounds (a great, free way to meet other SAHMs, as well!), libraries usually have free story times for children of all ages – many bookstores also have this!

Other Ways To Cut Back (or even Bring In!)

With two in diapers, we have saved the most money, by far, switching to cloth diapers. Before our second son was born, we only bought 2 packs (not boxes!) of diapers from January to August! We are slowly working towards cloth wipes as well (that has been a much harder switch for me!)

You can experiment with container gardening to save on fruits and vegetables.

Many SAHMs do something on the side to bring in extra income and the possibilities are endless! You could open an in-home child care (be sure to check with your state laws on this), open up an Etsy store with your homemade wares, buy and sell on eBay.com, be a virtual assistant…anything you can think up!

There are many ways to make being a SAHM possible, just remember that it will usually mean sacrificing in some other areas.

*A side note, these are merely ideas our family has tried or have considered implementing. There are many, many more ways to make being a SAHM possible for your family!

by Terra Jones

Meal Planning for Stay at Home Moms

Guest Writer — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 03:20:18 +0000

There are many schools of thought when it comes to meal planning. But there is one agreement – you can save so much money if you plan your meals. The ideas listed below are not the only ways to meal plan, just ones that friends of mine have tried.

Month At A Time

This takes some serious time thinking out meals and making a grocery list. Many who choose the month method also do a great deal of their shopping for the month in one trip as well. The other option is to plan your month of meals, watch for sales throughout the month and choose which meals to make according to what is on sale.
One – Two Weeks At A Time

Same basic idea as the month at a time, just a shorter version.

Pick and Choose

This is our current plan. Basically, I know all the meals I can make and I pick and choose what meals sound good. I go shopping for those meals and that is that. Normally, I plan seven meals and pick and choose from those throughout the week.

Repeat Two Week Plan

With this plan, people have 14 meals planned out. They make these meals the first two weeks of the month and then repeat the meals. This is easy for grocery shopping, as well.

Categorically

This is a plan I tried before my children were born and I would like to eventually get back to it. Basically, each day of the week is assigned a particular meal type.
Mondays are pasta meals
Tuesdays are casseroles.
Wednesdays are pasta meals.
Thursdays are leftovers.
Fridays are on the grill.
Saturdays are (family) date night (just keep it cheap!)
Sundays are crock pot meals.

This way you know you need to make a casserole on Tuesday night, but it can be a different one each Tuesday. This plan combines predictability with variety for your family.

Meal planning has saved us more than money. It saves a lot of stress at the end of the day when it is time to start fixing dinner. It also saves last minute and random, multiple trips to the store throughout the week.

I also try to, when unloading and putting away my groceries, put the pantry and refrigerator ingredients together so I am not hunting for the ingredients at the last minute.

One last cooking tip for casseroles. Most days, I prepare a casserole either during breakfast or over lunch, stick it in the refrigerator until it is time to bake it. I put it in the oven at dinner time, turn on the oven to pre-heat (do not stick a cold dish in a hot oven, it may break your dish!) and bake for about 8-10 minutes longer than normal (keep an eye on it because ovens vary).

By Terra Jones